Children with Down Syndrome That Hit - What is your response?

Hello tribe!

Last week it finally happened.  Tessa's para was out all week and I think Tessa had had enough. The temp para told me that Tessa spent most of the day hitting her. :/ This is pretty unusual for Tessa and I knew it was a form of communication but still doesn't make it okay. However, I felt like the para was "tattling". She had that “say it so sweet with a plastered smile”.  (Red flags were going off.)  So, my smartass response was "And what was your response?" She said that the resource teacher came and talked to her about nice touches. I was aggravated that they didn't realize that she did it (and only does it) out of frustration and / or communication. I guess their response was okay - but they didn't try to figure out WHY she was hitting. It is not the norm for her.  Their response is completely different from mine.  Screw the nice touches.  “You don’t hit!  Hitting hurts!”

Less language ~ Go for the heart!

See, if they knew what I have learned in the past three years, they would know – less language, go for the heart.  Going through this huge explanation won’t do crap.  You will lose her within a minute.  So what just happened?  She hit a few times, so the resource teacher got called.  She got pulled out of the room and BAM – whatever tasks she didn’t want to do have now been avoided OR she got pulled away from the para that didn’t want to listen to her.  Either way, what do you think she’s going to do next time?  Hit.

So my question is this - when your child does aggressive things that are out of the norm, what is your response?  We all know that regardless, hitting is NOT okay.  We also know that it is important to understand the situation completely so that we can get to the bottom of the behavior.

When looking a little further into the issue, I found this:  http://dsagsl.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Behavior-Guide-for-Down-Syndrome.pdf.  It includes a wonderful breakdown from Dr. Stein.  (He’s well known for writing the book Supporting Positive Behavior in Children and Teens with Down Syndrome: The Respond but Don't React Method.  If you haven’t purchased that book, do it.)

We are not on the same page - I know it.

After reading a little more, I have a huge gut feeling that Tessa’s IEP team and I are not on the same page as far as responses to Tessa’s behavior.  Changing their reactions (or lack thereof) is a must.  Everyone needs to be responding the same way.

As a result, I just sent a letter:

Hi everyone.  Tessa's been hitting a lot lately.  She's also been "angrier".  One of the most frustrating things for me as a parent is trying to figure out why.  What was going on before, during and after the bad behavior?  Is she mad about something?  Did something change?  (Her behavior has changed at home too.)

I have noticed that she wants to "be like everyone else".  For example, she is in dance.  The teacher separates Tessa from the others by putting her in front so that she can see herself better.  Tessa doesn't realize that.  She wants to be in line with the other kids.  This caused a breakdown on Tuesday.  Do you think that the same could be happening at school?

I did find this http://dsagsl.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Behavior-Guide-for-Down-Syndrome.pdf.

It's from that great book about supporting positive behavior.

Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you so much in advance!

~ Misty Kluck

Also, my hope is that we can come together as a team with our reactions to her.

My purpose of the letter is to hopefully get them to read the breakdown.  Also, my hope is that we can come together as a team with our reactions to her.   I tried to make sure that they didn’t feel “blamed” and they see me as the concerned mother not telling them how to do their job.  You know, because some people get panties in a wad if you ask them questions about their ways.  I’m not willing to take that chance.  Hopefully they will get the hint.

Questions to ask regarding aggressive behavior:

• What was going on leading up, during and after the behavior?
• Is she (or he) trying to communicate?
• How could the situation be avoided?
• How can we teach her to communicate in a different way? Is there something in their IEP about that?
• Was she getting frustrated? Why?  Did she need a break?
• Was this due to a power struggle? Did you use the “if / then” option?